Getting a Life
by Faye Dartmouth
Summary: Seth just remembers looking up at the world and thinking, wow, how awesome might this be.


Title: Getting a Life

A/N: So I am totally new to this whole Twilight fandom thing and it's actually kind of terrifying. I'm not even sure what to say! So I will just say that sendintheclowns did a simple beta for this, and has highly encouraged me on this latest fic writing venture, no matter how wayward it may be.

A/N 2: There aren't really any hardcore spoilers for anything, but this takes elements from throughout the entire series. I'm no expert on Twilight, so any mistakes regarding timelines and canon is entirely on me. I'll just say now that I'm a bit smitten with the wolves, oddly enough Seth in particular, and so that's where my muse has been taking me lately and what this fic focuses on.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: Seth just remembers looking up at the world and thinking _wow, how awesome might this be_.

-o-

"You should get a life," Leah tells him one day. Seth is lounging on the couch in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that fit him a few years ago. It's a little tight now, but that's okay on weekends.

It's not an uncommon declaration from Leah these days. Ever since she grew into her body, Leah has been all about her social life. From trips to Port Angeles with her friends to dates with the jocks at school, Leah is all that and more. She wears large hoop earrings when she sneaks out and carries lipstick in her purse.

She shakes her head at him, disgusted. She glances at the TV. There's some Disney movie on, and Seth had been trying to see if he remembered any of the songs while he was waiting for the baseball game to come back on. "You really are pathetic."

Seth blinks at the indictment. He's never tried to have a life and he's never tried to be pathetic. Seth is just used to living in a world where people are bigger, smarter, and better looking than he is. He is happy to be where he is, and dream that he might be someplace else. Boys mature slower, his mother always tells him. He hopes she's right.

Leah sighs in melodramatic fashion. "And Mom wonders why I don't want to bring any of my friends around," she mutters before she heads out the door.

Seth blinks again, frowning a bit. If he knew how to do the things Leah wanted, he would try, he really would. But life is still a mystery to him, filled with legends he doesn't understand and social norms that don't quite click yet. He's still waiting to make it through a day of school without pitting out his shirt before he wants to worry about his _life_.

He remembers to flip back in time to see the opening pitch of the next inning when he hears the car door slam and Leah drives away.

-o-

Seth Clearwater is born on a rainy March day. Really, all the days in March are rainy, so that's not so special. But Seth is born anyway.

It's not clear if he was a planned pregnancy or not, but it doesn't really matter. His parents take photos of him at the hospital and then bring him home to meet his big sister. She wrinkles her nose at him and says he looks like a prune.

His parents laugh as Seth sleeps on, content in his older sister's hand-me-down crib. Money is tight when Seth is a baby, and he doesn't really remember, but he wears his sister's sleepers, even if they're pink.

"It doesn't matter what he wears," his mother is quoted as saying.

Leah reminds him of this later, much to her satisfaction.

Seth just remembers looking up at the world and thinking _wow, how awesome might this be_.

-o-

Leah ignores Seth for awhile. She doesn't know what to say to him and she doesn't much like that he always needs to eat, attached permanently to his mother's breast. She doesn't know at the time that Seth is an easy baby, complacent and content. She just knows that he gets all of her toys and even if she doesn't like them anymore, that's just not okay.

For awhile she plots to kill him, wondering how hard it would be to drown him in the toilet or to leave him in the forest for wolves to take. He might even like that, she tells herself. He could be something special in a pack of wolves.

But their mother never puts Seth down, so none of her plans take off. And then Seth has the audacity to smile at her. Not just once, but every day. Day after day, eyes bright and wide when he sees her. When his first word is _Lee_, she decides that he might be worth keeping around after all.

Seth doesn't quite remember this either, but he doesn't need that story to be retold to know it's true.

-o-

Seth is small for his age and hopelessly uncoordinated. He always wants to sit in the front at school and raises his hand to every question, even when he doesn't know the answer. He beams when he's right and is amazed when other kids get it right first.

He likes people, he realizes early on. Likes to watch them. They're all so neat and different. Even if they all have the same dark hair and rich brown complexion, they're still unique. Cathy has a ridge in her nose. Ryan's eyes are set close together. Faith always skips when she walks.

He likes that, to see how people are different. To see what they're good at. People always impress him, from the way Ms. Victor writes so neatly on the chalkboard to the way Jacob Black laughs every day at lunch.

Seth thinks if he could be like them, if he could take everything he admires about people and practice it, he might just be the best person _ever_.

That's what he thinks every day and it makes him like school, even when Leah complains. And when he's picked last for kickball, he barely even notices because he's so impressed with the way Evan set up his team to care.

-o-

Leah tells him when he's eight that he's too pathetic to be a Clearwater. "We're supposed to be _leaders_," she says emphatically, shaking her head like she's disappointed in him.

This bothers Seth. He's used to fixing things, but only things he knows how to fix. He asks her to help him.

"You're beyond help, really," she says with and indifferent shake to her head.

She leaves him to ponder his fate, and he goes to his room and thinks about what it means to be a leader. Seth likes to have something to reach for, and this will do just fine.

-o-

Seth is twelve when he breaks his leg. Trips over the ball in a soccer game at school. He's all twisted up and goes down hard, leg bending even when his foot is standing still. He winds up with a compound fracture and a trip to the hospital.

It's a pretty stupid move, Seth realizes when he's getting his leg set. His mother hugs him and tells him she's just glad he's okay, but it's his father who sits with him while the cast is being ready.

His father is a big man in every sense of the word. Imposing height and a thick gut were nothing compared to his larger than life attitude. He always has a story to tell, and his opinions always make total sense. There's a reason he's one of the elders, and that makes Seth proud.

His father pats him on the arm, and smiles at him funny. "Did you really trip over your own feet?" he asks.

Seth shakes his head and insists it was the ball. The dumb thing was just so _round_ and his foot had been so _flat_.

His father chuckles a little, but it's clearly not the answer he wants. The doctor is almost ready, so his dad is quick when he says seriously, "Being a Clearwater isn't about being strong or athletic. It's about who you are. Most boys wouldn't own up to what happened. I'm proud of you. I know you can do great things someday."

-o-

The only great thing Seth does after that is to fall down the stairs and shatter his cast at school. He's lucky because it's during class so there's no one there to really witness his utter klutziness. But he's not so lucky because it's a huge mess, papers and books everywhere, and he even knocks himself out. When he comes to, he's lying on his back. Sam Uley, _the Sam Uley_, is propping him up and looking at him with concern. "Tough fall there," he says.

Seth blinks at him, wide eyed. Sam Uley isn't from the best family, but he's good at everything. Smart and attractive and athletic. Leah swoons over him all the time.

Sam smiles a little. "You know, it reminds me of myself at your age. All arms and legs and zero coordination," he says, and Seth doesn't believe him, but can't contradict someone like that. Sam shrugs. "It gets better."

Seth believes him.

-o-

Leah has never talked to him at school, she says it's social suicide, but after his wipeout, she takes to walking him to all his classes and carrying his books. Seth kind of likes it, it reminds him of when they were little and played pirates together in the backyard.

But it's not very _Leah_, so he asks her why.

She hesitates for a moment before rolling her eyes and saying, "Being seen with you in public is less humiliating that the scenes you create when I'm not around."

Seth just grins. It's the closest to _I love you_ he's heard in years.

-o-

It's not long after when Leah falls in love with Sam Uley. She's gaga, head over heels, and for once their parents approve.

Seth thinks of Sam holding him up after he fell, thinks of him saying _it gets better_ and has to agree. With all of them. Without fail.

-o-

High school is not very kind to Seth, but he barely notices. His body is growing out of control and he can't eat enough to catch up. His legs have a mind of their own, and he's a disaster in social situations. He hangs out with a pair of geeks from science class, but likes sitting at any table in the cafeteria just to listen to the other kids.

Sam Uley's table is one of his favorites and he sat there a lot until Leah made him stop. He likes Jacob Black's as well, because Jacob is like him, he thinks. Always happy. Smiling a lot. And funny. Everyone laughs at Jacob's jokes, and when Seth asks him one day in the hall if he they can hang out sometime, Jacob shrugs and says, "There's that dinner party at your place, right? I think my dad's making me go. Shouldn't be too bad, though, right? Just because it's an obligation doesn't mean it has to suck."

Seth has to agree and is almost ecstatic. Jacob is nonchalant about it, and really laid back, like it's not a big deal when it totally is. Seth wonders if this is one of the things Leah was talking about when she told him about leaders.

He's still trying to figure it out, is all. How to be a leader. How to be a Clearwater. How to get to the place where everything is better. Because Seth Clearwater is fifteen, and he's still not sure where he fits in.

He knows where he wants to be, with Sam Uley or Jacob Black, the people who seemed to have it all together. The people who talked and people listened. The people who joked and everyone laughed.

Not the ones who fell down the stairs or tripped over soccer balls. Not the ones who got picked last or who disappointed their older sisters. Especially not the ones who were born on forgettable rainy days in March.

-o-

Seth's not unhappy, he's really not. He doesn't know how to be. This is a world where things get better, where he could be something more, where he was meant to be something more. It just hasn't happened yet, he tells himself. It just hasn't happened yet.

He will make his mother proud. He will make his father beam. He will make his sister like him. These are the things that matter, these are the things that Seth wants to do.

Because life has to be more than this. More than friends who sit around and talk about the latest video game. More than classes filled with information that he'll never use. More than being at home with a sister who still treats him like he is five.

Seth believes it. He _believes _it.

-o-

Seth is fifteen when he comes down with a fever. It starts off as nothing, but by that night, it knocks him off his feet. His father literally has to carry him to bed and his mother is there with wet washcloths and a thermometer.

They force feed him water, and push back his bangs. Even Leah is there, pale and scared, cheeks flushed a little red.

His father stays by his side at night as Seth alternates between sleep and hallucinations. He shivers through Leah's rebukes of his character. He sweats when he sees his gangly misfortunes. He nearly passes out when he sees how his life all plays out together, moment after moment of nothing but unrealized potential.

In that haze, he thinks maybe he is wrong about everything. Wrong about the world, wrong about himself. Maybe he is nobody, maybe he's just a disappointment. Maybe he's just a pathetic kid who doesn't have a life who will die on a rainy March day just like he was born.

His father's hand is steady and easy, and his voice like a prayer in his dreams. "Just ride it out, son. Ride it out. Everything will be better in the morning."

-o-

Seth doesn't wake up the next morning. Or the morning after that. He doesn't really wake up for two weeks and when he does, it's an entirely different thing.

The world is sharper and clearer now, burning hot with a fire that Seth has only dreamed about until now. He's stronger and faster and things taste richer and even the very act of breathing is suddenly spectacular.

_He's _spectacular. Suddenly all the years of trailing after the popular kids and getting picked last don't quite matter as much. He would be at risk of seeming cocky about it, but it's more than him. It's something bigger than him, something he's a part of, an important part of an even more important puzzle. And that's all he's wanted; to be useful, to be valuable, to do something for others that really counted for something.

His family looks at him different, with tears, with uncertainty. His father even looks downright scared, eyes red from crying. They're all still trying to come to terms with this, trying to figure out what to do now. For the first time, Seth's not the last one to figure it out, to put all the pieces together. This is what they told him all along.

They were right, he knows. Leah, his mom, his father. Sam Uley, Jacob Black. They were all right about everything.

_You should get a life._

_I know you can do great things someday._

_It gets better._

_Just because it's an obligation doesn't mean it has to suck._

Seth just knows he's standing in front of his life now, looking up at how far it goes and thinking, _wow, how awesome this might be_.


End file.
